When did you last speak to her? Reassure your Inner Child

Inner child

Inner child, what is it and how can it help you?

For me changing wasn’t really an option because my life wasn’t going well and had been progressively getting worse over the years. I’d have a lot of disagreements with friends and upset them, relationships weren’t always working well and so I took a step back and decided to face my fears and find out what was going on with me.
Through the various therapies, self-help books and a myriad of other self-development techniques I tried one of the best ones is something called “Inner child” work. There are all these fancy names for things but for me, this means getting to know the little you. The one deep inside that at times has been hurt, this hurt if not resolved will continue into your adult life.
Ever experience a situation where you felt so angry and upset and things weren’t fair, or having a bit of a tantrum about something? Well that is more than likely your inner child reacting. There are 3 different ego states and they are “Parent”, “Adult” and “Child” and at times we move between them all. Some people we interact with will talk to us in one of these ego states (basically how they speak and behave to us is that of a Parent, Adult or Child).
Obviously this applies to us too and we also respond and act from those 3 states, this is done in varying degrees. We may act a certain way with particular people and be in a particular state but that is how it works in simple terms.

Inner Child - Love your inner child

So what’s all this got to do with inner child work? When we know we are reacting to situations in our “Child” state we are aware and if we choose to, address it so it doesn’t keep happening in the future. Believe me it’s for our benefit! Then how you react in the present as an adult will be different, because you will behave from an adult perspective instead of a child’s.
Some people may not want to or have grasped the concept that we have a little version of us inside. There is, the more you start to realise and pay attention the more you will see it happening. Being able to reflect and observe your behaviour is a skill but one you can learn.
Here is a very simple way to start talking to your inner child, allow 10-15 minutes:


Accept that you may feel silly, odd or question why you are doing this. My advice is to give it a go. That’s your adult/parent talking. There is no right or wrong and your experience will be unique to you.
Tip: Something I recommend is to listen to your gut instinct in this process, don’t ignore things that come to mind (even if they make no sense to the adult/parent you)

Introduce yourself to your inner child technique

  • Get comfortable and preferably choose a quiet place where you’ll be undisturbed
  • Ground yourself with your feet on the floor
  • Close your eyes
  • Take some deep breaths from your diaphragm
  • Bring a happy memorable experience/situation to mind from your childhood
  • See what you see, hear what you hear and feel what you feel
  • Imagine yourself as an adult now, standing/sitting in-front of you as a child
  • Introduce yourself to her, explain that you’re her, but grown up
  • What would your adult like to say to her? or ask her?
  • Ask her/talk to her and listen to her response
  • Respond to her in a loving, caring and kind way
  • Speak for as long as you need to
  • Reassure her that you’ll be back and that you are sorry it’s taken so long. If you want to, express how much you love her
  • You may want to give her a kiss and a hug, it is up to you, do what feels natural. You could even physically hug yourself if that was right
  • Say your goodbyes and then in your own time open your eyes
  • Take a few deep breaths and take your time to come back into the space
This is just one example, repeat it as often as you like. Once you start to feel more comfortable with the process, you can use it to talk to your inner child when things aren’t going so well. If you feel angry, frustrated, upset etc, speak to her and find out what is going on for her. Ask her what she needs and do what you can to help her, offer the adult perspective.
Would love to hear how you got on, please feel free to email me.


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Next Steps

If you’d like to chat then do get in touch, I’m happy to gift you some time. Simply email jo@johuey.co.uk or call (07732) 403305. 
Remember you aren’t alone and you can always join my Daughters of Alcoholics Facebook group, where other daughters of alcoholics support each other with challenges they experience from the past or present.  You may have lived with an alcoholic in your past, but it’s still impacting you in the present. 
I also run the Two Roads Travelled podcast with my sister, click here to find out more. 

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