Navigating Trust in Relationships

Jakob Owens image

Insecurity vs Intuition

I’ve been reading this article by Clayton Olson about trust in relationships. I agree when he says we have to trust ourselves. He talks about the difference between insecurity and intuition and how to tell which one is guiding us when it comes to trusting in a relationship. 

I really like the way they talk about paying attention to the body, I’ve been told this by my Kinesiologist. If we notice what’s going on in our body, it gives us signs that we need to pay attention to something. Anything that ends up in our head with out thoughts is probably more to do with our insecurities. I also agree with what’s said about thoughts that are from the past, this is also a sign that it’s an insecurity. 

Ultimately you need to build more awareness about your body and how you react to your thoughts, feelings and situations that occur.

Approach doubt with curiosity

What they’re saying is that when you want to differentiate between insecurity and intuition, doubt can seep in. So what they’re suggesting is that you look at it with curiosity.  I love the concept and approach of being “Open” rather than “Closed”, with your thoughts.  In the context of relationships you may initially be closed and think “I doubt he’ll be right for me”, “I doubt it’ll work”.  

Once you approach it with curiosity by being open, so “I wonder if he’ll be right for me”, “I wonder if it’ll work”, it opens  you up to see the bigger picture and helps you work better with your intuition. 

Building your Intuition

For a long time I really struggled with my intuition, I just constantly felt it wasn’t to be trusted, a fleeting feeling would be let go as quick as it came. Years past before I realised just how valuable those gut feelings were. Now I trust my gut instinct and listen to it, you do have to quieten the mind to do that. As you know the mind is usually busy with lots of thoughts, when we practice techniques like Mindfulness it helps us to be more in the present and have a calmer mind. 

If you’re mind is too busy, it’ll be more difficult to pay attention to your gut instinct because it’ll be too noisy. 

I love this quote that Clayton shares:

Intuition is more of a sense whereas insecurity is more of a thought. One is a feeling and one is a story. One has to do with the other person and one has to do with you.

Physical Effects of Insecurity

We need to pay attention to the physical changes that happen in our body, this connects to our emotions and is a warning sign that something isn’t right. If you experience anxiety, pacing and mental interference then as Clayton says this is linked to insecurity. This can help you identify your insecurity. 

In Summary

The more you quieten your mind and listen to your body, the quicker your intuition will build. Trusting yourself first and listening to how your body reacts is key. As soon as you notice your thoughts getting in the way, which should be easier now you know the signs, you can resort back to your body and see where you feel it and what it’s telling you. 

Our past and story has a big hold over us so be patient with yourself, your thoughts are powerful but they aren’t always telling you facts!

 

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