Blame is rife in homes of alcoholism. When the drinker is in the full flow of their addiction, they will often blame their family or other reasons why they drink.
Very often the family will blame the drinker for all the chaos that they cause, and often it’s true, they do cause the chaos. The reasons for the chaos are complex and far reaching.
Families and the wider society still need to understand more about alcohol misuse, some misuse it at the weekends and binge and others drink more regularly and heavily. The scale of the problem really depends on a number of factors.
What is Blame?
I love to start off with a definition, it creates a baseline so everyone has the same frame of reference.
feel or declare that (someone or something) is responsible for a fault or wrong.
As you know we can blame ourselves for things and we can put the blame onto others, neither is particularly helpful but we do it regardless.
Why do we blame ourselves and others?
We can use blame as a way to punish, whether that’s yourself or someone you know. Blame is rife in homes of alcoholism, because each person usually wants to punish the other. The family members are sick of the issues that the drinker causes, and sometimes they think it will motivate the to stop. It doesn’t.
The drinker wants to blame their family members because, they can’t deal with the responsibility of their choices.
What happens when you keep blaming?
Totally depends on if you’re blaming yourself or someone else. I’ve put this info-graphic together to outline some of the key areas of impact.
When are you to blame or blame others?
Have you noticed when you blame yourself the most? Certain situations or with certain people?. Also are you aware of when you blame others? Is it for the reason in the info-graphic above, do you want to feel better so that’s why you do it. I know that’s a reason I can relate to.
Action: I’d suggest writing down your “blaming” habits so you can gain some insights and awareness. At this stage it’s not about changing anything, but being mindful and aware of your actions. Note down the impact you think or know it has too. I’d love to hear them if you want to get in touch, firstname.lastname@example.org or share them in the Facebook group, details below.
Remember you aren’t alone and you can always join my Change Your Mind Facebook group, where other families of alcoholics support each other with challenges they experience from the past or present. You may have lived with an alcoholic in your past, but it’s still impacting you in the present.